Abuse and infidelity are common relational conflicts in the Philippines. The prevalence of this growing social problem among Filipinos has also been observed in their calls regarding these warning signs in a romantic partner. Hence, this study explores how these issues influence young adults' mate preferences by examining their lived romantic experiences. Utilizing criterion purposive sampling, ten diverse stories of heterosexuals were evaluated through semi-structured in-depth interviews and interpretative phenomenological analysis to understand the complexity of experiential meanings of participants who have had long-term relationships with their previous ex-lovers and are currently engaged in committed relationships. Participants denoted relational red flags encompassing emotional distance, deception, emotional labor, destruction, and emotional manipulation. These turbulent behavioral patterns deliberately cause the deterioration of their previous relationship while they consider the dimensions of warmth, competence, and attractiveness when choosing an ideal mate. These preferences mentioned are similar to the desirable qualities of their current partners. Findings also assert that relational red flags were perceived as the diametric bases for mate selection, non-negotiable deal breakers, and a lesson to captivate dealmakers. Considering the rising numbers of reported domestic violence victims, including psychological abuse in relationships, this research has compelling implications for Gender and Development and Anti-Violence Against Women. Further, it is also pertinent to counseling psychology practices, especially in the current status and emerging development of Couples Therapy, which primarily handles relationship issues during the pre-marital stage.
counseling psychology, gender and development, long-term relationship, mate preferences, relational red flags
Nicole Medina Hernandez. Corresponding author. Bachelor of Science–Master of Arts in Psychology and Counseling, Faculty of Behavioral and Social Sciences, Philippine Normal University-Manila, Philippines. Email address: hernandez.nm@pnu.edu.ph
Merimee Tampus-Siena. Doctor of Philosophy in Clinical Psychology, Director, Student Affairs and Services Office, Philippine Normal University-Manila, Philippines.
Teresita T. Rungduin. Doctor of Philosophy in Psychology, Vice President for Research, Extension, and Quality Assurance, Philippine Normal University-Manila, Philippines.
Alavi, M., Alahdad, R., & Shafeq, S. M. (2014). Mate selection criteria among postgraduate students in Malaysia. Procedia – Social and Behavioral Sciences, 116, 5075–5080. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.sbspro.2014.01.1076
Anchor Light Therapy Collective (2023, February 21). Relationship red flags that may appear romantic but signal disaster. Anchor Light Therapy Collective. https://anchorlighttherapy.com/relationship-red-flags-romantic-disaster/
Badua-Oquendo, D.J.D., Beronio, B.C., Ferolino, F.A.B., & Rocaberte, R.D.Z. (2023). Understanding the lived experiences of Filipino male victims of domestic violence. Asian Journal of Resilience, 5(1), 41–62. https://asianjournalofresilience.com/index.php/ajr/article/view/57
Balahadia, F.F., Astoveza, Z.M. & Jamolin, G.R. (2022). Violence against women and their children incident report: Data exploration for VAWC awareness. International Review of Social Sciences Research, 2(1), 98-119. https://doi.org/10.53378/352881
Bernarte, R., Kristine, A., Jalandra, L., Ruby, J., Jarquio, F., & Sanggo, M. (2016). The criteria of love: Trait desirability of Filipino youth on mate selection. Asia Pacific Journal of Multidisciplinary Research, 4(3), 10-17.
Buss, D. M., & Schmitt, D. P. (2019). Mate preferences and their behavioral manifestations. Annual Review of Psychology, 70, 77-110. https://doi.org/10.1146/annurev-psych-010418-103408
Crudo-Capili, Ma. Antonia., (2015). The lived experiences on romantic relationships of selected women: Understanding their sexuality. The Trinitian Researcher, 7(1), 40-64.
Csajbók, Z., White, K. P., & Jonason, P. K. (2023). Six “red flags” in relationships: From being dangerous to gross and being apathetic to unmotivated. Personality and Individual Differences, 204, 112048. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.paid.2022.112048
Engward, H., & Goldspink, S. (2020). Lodgers in the house: living with the data in interpretive phenomenological analysis research. Reflective Practice, 21(1), 41–53. https://doi.org/10.1080/14623943.2019.1708305
Feuerman, M. (2023, May 3). How stonewalling can hurt your relationship. Verywell Mind. https://www.verywellmind.com/
Fiske, S. T., Cuddy, A. J. C., & Glick, P. (2007). Universal dimensions of social cognition: warmth and competence. Trends in Cognitive Sciences, 11(2), 77–83. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.tics.2006.11.005
Hall-Flavin, D. (2021, December 15). How to spot passive-aggressive behavior? Mayo Clinic. https://www.mayoclinic.org/
Homoroc, C.S., Lauta, M.N. & Ciabal, L.U. (2022). Emotional abuse and psychological well-being of college students. International Review of Social Sciences Research, 2(3), 105 – 123. https://doi.org/10.53378/352924
Hou, J., Shu, T., & Fang, X. (2020). Influence of resources on cue preferences in mate selection. Frontiers in Psychology, 11, 574168. https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2020.574168
Jonason, P. K., Garcia, J. R., Webster, G. D., Li, N. P., & Fisher, H. E. (2015). Relationship dealbreakers: Traits people avoid in potential mates. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 41(12), 1697–1711. https://doi.org/10.1177/0146167215609064
Jonason, P. K., White, K. P., & Al-Shawaf, L. (2020). Should I stay or should I go: Individual differences in response to romantic dealmakers and dealbreakers. Personality and Individual Differences, 164, 110120. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.paid.2020.110120
Klein, W., Li, S. & Wood, S. (2023). A qualitative analysis of gaslighting in romantic relationships. Personal Relationships, 30(4), 1316-1340. https://doi.org/10.1111/pere.12510
Knobloch, L. K., Knobloch-Fedders, L. M., Yorgason, J. B., Basinger, E. D., Abendschein, B., & McAninch, K. G. (2021). Suspicion about a partner’s deception and trust as roots of relational uncertainty during the post-deployment transition. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 38(3), 912-934. https://doi.org/10.1177/0265407520970645
Leyson, M. A., Alpapara, J. B., Cruz, L. L. C., & Flores, J. M. J. (2022). Lost in translation: A qualitative study of the experience of toxic relationships among Filipino young adults and why they choose to stay. Psychology Bachelor’s Theses. https://animorepository.dlsu.edu.ph/etdb_psych/18/
Li, L., Xu, C., & Wang, L. (2016). Males’ Cue preference and information processing mode in mate-selection decision. J. Youth Stud, 39-48.
Malig, K. (2021). Living in Hell. GMA News Online. https://www.gmanetwork.com/news/specials/content/187/living-in-hell/
MasterClass. (2022, May 14). Emotional labor in relationships: Examples of emotional labor. https://www.masterclass.com/articles/emotional-labor-in-relationships
Mental Health Foundation (n.d.). Relationships and community: statistics. https://www.mentalhealth.org.uk/
Mojica, R. (2022, February 8). Love Signals: Red and green flags of relationship. MentalHealthPH. https://mentalhealthph.org/02-10-22/
Pichère, P., & Cadiat, A.-C. (2015). Maslow’s hierarchy of needs. Lemaitre.
Porter, C., & Guerrero, L. (2014). Do red flags point the way? Early warnings and later conflict in singles’ relationships. https://keep.lib.asu.edu/_flysystem/fedora/c7/114043/Porter_asu_0010N_13781.pdf
Rafiee G. (2022). The main criteria for mate selection: the nursing students’ perspective in the South‐west of Iran during 2020–2021: A cross‐sectional study. Health Sci Rep. 2022, e949. https://doi.org/10.1002/hsr2.949
Regain. (2024, July 1). Telltale signs of emotional distance in relationships and how to bridge the gap. Www.regain.us. https://www.regain.us/advice/general/telltale-signs-of-emotional-distance-in-relationships-and-how-to-bridge-the-gap/
Right to Equality (2023, February 28). Love-bombing and gaslighting: Tactics of domestic Abuse. https://righttoequality.org/love-bombing-and-gaslighting-tactics-of-domestic-abuse/
Rungduin, T. (2021.). Policy brief series A proposed protocol on the disclosure of sensitive issues in research data gathering: Inputs to research ethics review. https://www.pnuresearchportal.org/wp-content/uploads/2021/05/Policy-Brief-Series_Issue-1-2021.pdf
Rusnak, K. (2024). Do you take on too much emotional labor in relationships? Psychology Today. https://www.psychologytoday.com/
Sachdev, P. (2022, December 13). Signs of possession in sex and relationships. WebMD. https://www.webmd.com/sex-relationships/signs-possessiveness
Santrock, J. W. (2022). Life-span development (18th ed.). McGraw-Hill Education.
Sicat, A. (2023, April). Violence against women, a public crime penalized by law-PCW. Philippine Information Agency. https://pia.gov.ph/
Smith, J. A., & Fieldsend, M. (2021). Interpretative phenomenological analysis. In P. M. Camic (Ed.), Qualitative research in psychology: Expanding perspectives in methodology and design (pp. 147–166). American Psychological Association. https://doi.org/10.1037/0000252-008
Stritof, S. (2023, March 22). How to spot a liar in a relationship? Verywell Mind. https://www.verywellmind.com/
Tuason, D., Augosto, M. (2024). Factors driving male violence against women in intimate relationships. Journal of Interdisciplinary Perspectives, 2(7), 137-145. https://doi.org/10.69569/jip.2024.0158
Tunac, H. J. (2024, June 2). 3 Filipinas open up about abuse, violence caused by their partners. GMA Integrated News Online. https://www.gmanetwork.com/
Van Lange, P. A. M., & Balliet, D. (2015). Interdependence theory. In M. Mikulincer, P. R. Shaver, J. A. Simpson, & J. F. Dovidio (Eds.), APA handbook of personality and social psychology, Vol. 3. Interpersonal relations (pp. 65–92). American Psychological Association. https://doi.org/10.1037/14344-003
Waldinger, R. J., & Schulz, M. S. (2016). The good life: Lessons from the longest study on happiness. Harvard Gazette. https://magazine.hms.harvard.edu/articles/good-life
White, R. (2016). Relational red flags: Detecting undesirable qualities in initial romantic encounters. LSU Doctoral Dissertations. https://doi.org/10.31390/gradschool_dissertations.1171
Yang, C. & Chen, A. (2021). Emotional labor: A comprehensive literature review. Human Systems Management, 40(4), 479-501. https://doi.org/10.3233/HSM-200937
Cite this article:
Hernandez, N.M., Tampus-Siena, M. & Rungduin, T.T. (2024). Decoding love signs: The role of perceived relational red flags in mate selection criteria among Filipino young adults. International Review of Social Sciences Research, 4(3), 123-146. https://doi.org/10.53378/irssr.353103
License:
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution (CC BY 4.0) International License.
